Fate under repair

There were so many chances that we could've seen each other, but noooo, things have to come up and put us in a different place at a particular time. I couldn't ask for anything more than just to see him--- ewey, I know! But when I see him, I know for sure that I'll realize what I should have realized a long time ago, perhaps to move on or to not to.

How am I sure that when I see him I'll get into a pun of realizations?

It has happened before. When we shared that thirty seconds, I suddenly realized I didn't want it to end. I realized he didn't want it to end too, and I also realized his dance with me has started way long ago--- but I didn't notice. I think his dance with me ended when my dance with him had just started. Sad. If I would be fortunate enough, maybe at some point in time we'll get to dance with each other.

In spite of some shortcomings, like the unavailability of a space at a same moment, I still have that strong belief that we might still be possible. I'm not discouraged by how I'm missing out on him, and how much I miss him, and certainly, I'm still not giving it up--- not because I can't easily (because really I can in servings of books and math!), but because I just wouldn't. The conspiracy of fate against the second chance I deserve does not convince me that we're not meant to be with each other or simply he's not the guy. I think the decision whether he completes the picture or not is my choice. Now that I'm NOT YET given that chance to know if he does complete the picture, I think there's no stopping till I get that chance. Therefore, I will be discouraged about believing on the existence of a we once I get the reasons that checklist demands (ex. girlfriend, I'm no longer his type, he's no longer my type, he's become a liab, I've become a liab to him, he irritates me, I irritate him... etc etc).

Ironic. There's a part of me, a while ago, that didn't want to see him. Though there's a longing to, my insides know I'm not ready yet. It breezed through my mind that I hope he's not where I think he is, and then BOOM he's not there.

Maybe the Big Boss is still grooming me for the chance that is yet to come. Maybe because if I see him now I'll run out of words to say, or most possibly I'LL SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT LIKE A CRAZED FANATIC! XD I really don't know. I predict I would be hiding from him most of the time. I just don't know how I would act around the person whom I found closest to heaven after a long time of not seeing him, and after a long time of believing that all fishes in the sea are the same. I hope that's it--- the grooming thing. The Father wants the best for his children, so in spite of whats happening right now, I don't have to worry, He's really working on something up there. I just don't know :)

Then, maybe He's also grooming him. Or maybe he's already taken. I don't know.

I'm already wishing he was (taken), because that would be the easiest way to convince myself "Ok-keeey. This one's over." Once I'm granted that chance (to see him), I'm not hoping for a "pro-life" outcome, I'm just hoping for an outcome so real I could easily identify myself in and with it. I just want a justification of everything or at least what I'm feeling and where I things to go.

Grabeh. It's so rare to find someone like him. I didn't even find him, I just realized he was there all along. For a while there, he was sooo tangible and then when I realized how tangible he was, he's suddenly not. "I regret taking you for granted. I've learned my lesson. I'm Sorry. How can I make it up to you?" If it was just as easy to type that as when you I would say it, more so let the person feel it. More so that he is a friend, the type of friend who is not a person's BFF, but a friend you had just enough memories with to last a day together of talking about it and giving it a laugh. But then when we were talking, it was all about the present.

I don't know when that chance is going to be. Life goes on! :) Just because fate is under repair, doesn't mean my whole life is. I know this is just a part of it :) I'm getting tons of support from my life line, thank you!! Most of all, my patience is tested and practiced. It's not all about the burden of longing anyway, it's the excitement of not knowing what is to come.

To you: I could really tell you the truth right now, but I wont unless you ask me. *smirk*