21 posts from 2008

There were so many chances that we could've seen each other, but noooo, things have to come up and put us in a different place at a particular time. I couldn't ask for anything more than just to see him--- ewey, I know! But when I see him, I know for sure that I'll realize what I should have realized a long time ago, perhaps to move on or to not to.

How am I sure that when I see him I'll get into a pun of realizations?

It has happened before. When we shared that thirty seconds, I suddenly realized I didn't want it to end. I realized he didn't want it to end too, and I also realized his dance with me has started way long ago--- but I didn't notice. I think his dance with me ended when my dance with him had just started. Sad. If I would be fortunate enough, maybe at some point in time we'll get to dance with each other.

In spite of some shortcomings, like the unavailability of a space at a same moment, I still have that strong belief that we might still be possible. I'm not discouraged by how I'm missing out on him, and how much I miss him, and certainly, I'm still not giving it up--- not because I can't easily (because really I can in servings of books and math!), but because I just wouldn't. The conspiracy of fate against the second chance I deserve does not convince me that we're not meant to be with each other or simply he's not the guy. I think the decision whether he completes the picture or not is my choice. Now that I'm NOT YET given that chance to know if he does complete the picture, I think there's no stopping till I get that chance. Therefore, I will be discouraged about believing on the existence of a we once I get the reasons that checklist demands (ex. girlfriend, I'm no longer his type, he's no longer my type, he's become a liab, I've become a liab to him, he irritates me, I irritate him... etc etc).

Ironic. There's a part of me, a while ago, that didn't want to see him. Though there's a longing to, my insides know I'm not ready yet. It breezed through my mind that I hope he's not where I think he is, and then BOOM he's not there.

Maybe the Big Boss is still grooming me for the chance that is yet to come. Maybe because if I see him now I'll run out of words to say, or most possibly I'LL SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT LIKE A CRAZED FANATIC! XD I really don't know. I predict I would be hiding from him most of the time. I just don't know how I would act around the person whom I found closest to heaven after a long time of not seeing him, and after a long time of believing that all fishes in the sea are the same. I hope that's it--- the grooming thing. The Father wants the best for his children, so in spite of whats happening right now, I don't have to worry, He's really working on something up there. I just don't know :)

Then, maybe He's also grooming him. Or maybe he's already taken. I don't know.

I'm already wishing he was (taken), because that would be the easiest way to convince myself "Ok-keeey. This one's over." Once I'm granted that chance (to see him), I'm not hoping for a "pro-life" outcome, I'm just hoping for an outcome so real I could easily identify myself in and with it. I just want a justification of everything or at least what I'm feeling and where I things to go.

Grabeh. It's so rare to find someone like him. I didn't even find him, I just realized he was there all along. For a while there, he was sooo tangible and then when I realized how tangible he was, he's suddenly not. "I regret taking you for granted. I've learned my lesson. I'm Sorry. How can I make it up to you?" If it was just as easy to type that as when you I would say it, more so let the person feel it. More so that he is a friend, the type of friend who is not a person's BFF, but a friend you had just enough memories with to last a day together of talking about it and giving it a laugh. But then when we were talking, it was all about the present.

I don't know when that chance is going to be. Life goes on! :) Just because fate is under repair, doesn't mean my whole life is. I know this is just a part of it :) I'm getting tons of support from my life line, thank you!! Most of all, my patience is tested and practiced. It's not all about the burden of longing anyway, it's the excitement of not knowing what is to come.

To you: I could really tell you the truth right now, but I wont unless you ask me. *smirk*

I did! haha!
I'm going to pull off a fast-ball, since its almost three in the morning.

A lot has been going on lately.
I'd like to enumerate it, but as I've said I'll do this really fast, so I won't enumerate it anymore.
Even though a lot has been going on lately, I still didn't get the chance to see him.
It's like the one last lacking ingredient that I'm not bound to put in my....
"IT WAS AN AWFULLY GREAT SEMBREAK" recipe.
It has to brew I think. haha!
It's not annoying anyway.
It's just cool if I did see THE apple of my eye.
Ulck. Gross. Apple. WTH?! haha.

Things to look forward to:
1.   Completion of tyro-blogger's bag...expected TOMORROW! :)
2.   Skating with fallinggrace and pandafilando on the 28th!
3.   PHILIPPINE FASHION WEEK (I freakin' have exclusive invites for the shows on the 26th!!! OMG! I SOOOOO LOVE IT!!!!! I still haven't rummaged through my closet for the puuuuurfect frock!!!!)
4.   Halloween with Grayscale, Yoga and friends (Let's not hope he will come, because he won't. If he does, I'll take you out for ice cream--- the cheap ones. haha!) We're fishing for super mixers on rockafage beef Lunch and a lot of gruesome thrillers and horror flicks before, while and after the sun goes down. Way to go!!! I'm sorry I talked Sol lingo, this is what it means anyway "We're hoping we could jam before lunch and have a horror movie marathon in the afternoon."

That would be it. I would be writing something less.... showbiz-ish and more philosophical the next time I feel like chumming :)

Have an awesome day :)

I had a statistics exam earlier this morning, though I studied really hard for it, I bet I don't even have a score. It wasn't hard, my mind just went totally blank!

I'd be lucky to have a 2 out of thirty. Gah. Though I'm not entirely in the verge of flunking, well I'm 18 points away from the passing mark, it's still sad to NOT get something I worked hard for. Maybe I'll once again pull off an "FEU" during my final examinations! Well if I have to then okay, but I still have 2 chances to work it out and make positive things happen. I better not waste my 2 chances! ><

My teammates and I are competing in an inter-class debate this Saturday. We're going against 5 teams I guess and if we qualify we'll go against 7 (then three, then one). I don't know what's going to happen, but again I have a bad feeling about it. SO MUCH NEGATIVITY IS EATING ME!!! NOT READY FOR NEGATIVITY!

All the negativity just came rushing in. Once again, I don't know which side of my world to run to. I'm actually thisclose to reaching some goals and think of it that way is actually pressuring me. They say, just do what you can, I'm freaking doing it but I've really lost my element and my momentum. I really have to find it, pronto!

I am aware of the things that has been bothering me, and I really wish I could "un-bother" that haha! These are the times that I really seek the Lord.

So I'll end up my entry here, I just felt like I had to write something! :)
Will be writing soon! :D

Music = detoxification.

For a musician, not to have a once in a blue moon jamming session is like bathing in hot ice cream. I'm so out of my head for the past few days I really really really really really really really need some brain cell regeneration through hardcore rock music and some "sounds-like-impossible" beats making.

When can I get reunited with the drums again?

It has been an awesome week! One of its highlights would be my 90% midterm exam grade in Statistics! \m/ I'm overwhelmed and extremely happy because I badly needed that and it did a lot of damage control in my midterm grade! :D I'm glad to reach my desired test score even though during the exam I was fed with the "I'm going to flunk this exam" vibes. I hope I can do similarly well in my finals, finally outdoing myself! Yey! Since I've been getting a lot of positive energy lately, I was expecting that our field trip would be a huge disaster. It is usually like that, you get too lucky then you get too UNlucky!

In a better side of it, I really thought our Philippine History Field Trip in Subic and Mt. Samat is going to be typically rated. Thanks to that expectation it was really really really really really FUN! Even with the fact that I slept off like one-fourth of the whole trip (Sorry, bus rides are like lullabies to me), the waking hours are such lively and “prominent” memories! I think it wouldn’t be THAT fun if it weren’t for Jo, Ian and my love-able blockmates, 2MAS! I miss them already… Aw… I hope we get another round.

Even at school we were already up for some bonding time with each other and our digital cameras. Daniel was the all around photographer and he was as good as being the object of the photo as he was as the photographer that Jo began to announce (YES ANNOUNCE!) her feelings for the guy haha!

You can’t take away the wholesomeness of Jhem’s bee-hind, yes BEE--- like her a** is swollen from a bee sting. Here’s some proof.

We had a 30-minute trek in the forest in Subic. Thank God for Nike I wasn’t stuck with my Sanuk! I mean Sanuks are for surfing, but not for surfing down the muddy trail. Definitely. It was hot, it was dirty but most of all it was FUN! The half of the group was moving in a slow pace because of picture taking. Jo, Ian and I are part of that group haha! But it was worth it, the pictures are quite my level of “Jungle Fever”. May I quote myself? “WAN! TWO!”, then people will face me, CLICK!

Though I don’t have a picture of it, our very own resident basketball player ALMOST tore the bamboo bridge down! LITERALLY! When he touched the one bamboo rail, it fell off!!!! Haha!!!! Okay moving on to a similarly funny yet scary event. One of the Aetas showed us how to make fire, cook (complete with viand and rice) and make utensils and a drinking cup all out of bamboo. Here’s a clip of the fire making process. I only took a shot of the last step since it was really a long process of (Unfortunately) Chopping using an itak (it’s similar to alibaba and the forty thieves’ sword but less curvy). I had my breath held since he used his thighs as a freakin chopping board! GAAAAH!!!!!! And did I mention that the person who demo-ed for us was the aeta in a Discovery Channel/National Geographic commercial with a line “Ako na gagawa…”

At the end of the trail Jo and I bought matching souvenirs!!! The bracelets are sooooooo wonderful! I’d like to wear them forever haha!

Next stop was APEC Villas. It was Village where Country leaders who visited the Philippines in 1999 stayed. Ultimately the houses were a testimony of how much money was spent to build them. I think we stayed for lunch in the main house since there were 21 flag poles at its front. Mahn!! Even the foyer looked like it was worth thrice my tuition fee in the university!

Then we went to Duty Free. Jo was asleep in the bus while Ian and I went for a stroll in the “mall”.  Ian was trying out a polo shirt but it was too small it would hardly even fit his neck. I tried out hat but the elephant was too heavy, my vertically challenged self might be more challenged!!!

And finally the other half of the whole trip, Mt. Samat! This is where my cam really got tired. At the foot of our climb was a really long table with a huuuuuuge masterpiece of stained glass, and there came the “Class Suffer”--- our version of the “Last Supper”. It is actually a catchy and well-thought of name, since to get to reach the attraction in Mt. Samat we have to walk up and winding path that ends at approximately 100ft from where we were standing.

Upon reaching the top there was a really really really really huge cross that if it falls down, it will crush all of metro manila (hehe! Yes, though it is in Bataan it might slide its way to metro manila haha! We will never know!). At the base of the cross were six stone carvings that depicted the many important events in the history of the Philippines; the execution of Jose Rizal, the blood compact in the Katipunan, the rebellion of Gabriela Silang (our country’s Joan of Arc), an image of Lapu-Lapu, the start of the revolution and a man killing another man using a dagger. As seen in the act of depicting the “Last Supper”, we also tried our best to honor those six carvings by staging it as well.

After making fools out of ourselves, we lined up for an opportunity to enter the really big cross. The elevator can only fit 7 people, though with seven it was already crowded. The top of the cross was super breezy I even dried my sweat-bathed hair haha! And when I looked outside I could see where the paths we’ve been through and I had a feeling that I could a portion of Manila.

Of course Daniel rocked the socks out of everyone in our group picture.

There was a round window, and it was picture-binding. If you happen to be a photographer and want an ultimato location for a sophisticatedly themed shoot, it is the best location! I have around 24 pictures of it in my cam (One-tenth of everything)! One of which is Kirsten’s endorsement picture haha!

When five o’clock struck the trip was supposed to be over but it was not. We had some bonding time outside the bus, sadly I have no pictures of it because my cam was already low in battery. I’ll grab it from Daniel, Jhem, J.Lou and have them up in no time haha!

I think this trip has been a blast because everybody was amazing, the place was amazing, the facts were amazing and and AND.. EVERYTHING WAS AMAZING even my sleep in the bus!!

I hope you get to see how wonderful Mt. Samat and Subic is and how much contentment and enjoyment I had through my blockmates! Do view our photos in my multiply and do comment!

Thanks! Much Love!

Nothing is impossible with God. But with these really small (I say weak) wrists Gymnastics and I isn't even a combo--- it is a laughable concept!! Gymnasts really amaze me, especially those who feed themselves medals like Nastia Luikin. Gymnasts like her fly... literally. I'm still trying to find Nastia's gold-winning event, kind of awesome to beat China haha! Here's a vid of a Floor event for USA. A must see!

I wonder if they ever had wedgies after a routine? All those splits in the air (whats its technical term? :P) and the round offs etc etc can't really hold the suit in to place(?). Or do they use some sort of spray to keep the suit immovable?

ANYWAY!

As for Shawn Johnson who settled for yet again another silver, I thought she was awesome in her routine. She was freaking flying and dropping like a comet hitting the earth. How did Nastia top that?!

Honestly, what interests me is the feeling of standing in front of a really big crowd being awarded a silver or bronze when you've dedicated your whole life for a gold. I mean, I have never dedicated my whole life to something except my  dedication for future success (and the training ground is life itself). I have never sacrificed the needs for an ultimate dream except of course those small things like money and time for fun to reach a not so ultimate dream. Olympians, on the other hand, have probably trained their souls off everyday doing the same things over and over and over again hoping that they could be good enough for the gold. Some of them also might have sacrificed a normal education or education as it is, just so they could have more hours for training hoping that those "should-be" time spent for Chemistry, Algebra and Art Classes were alloted for a better deal. Hey, not all athletes get their break. It is really amazing how Phelps, Luiken and He won over the cons of sacrificing everything else in their life time. Maybe they haven't even tried Cliff diving at Acapulco, making Clay Sculptures or everything else that doesn't concern Gymnastics, Swimming or whatever sport they are geniuses at. So I really wonder if I would like to be as dedicated as they are one specific thing, they do tend to miss out on life...BUT THEY AREN'T IN SHORT OF GOLD MEDALS!! HAHAHA!

I am also beginning to ask myself why I didn't end up as a competing athlete, an Olympian specifically. I like sports, I LIKE WATCHING SPORTS! haha! I've realized becoming "something" is actually not just an intrapersonal thing, it is rather about your support system--- if you have one or not. Like, when we were kids we are all given an equal possibility of becoming Hollywood actresses/actors, but some people's parents instead thought of shoving a new story book every night, a new Science encyclopedia, new set of crayons or had them help in the kitchen. So eventually, some people became writers, some are scientists, some are artists and some are chefs. As for Nastia Liukin, a very good example, who's father was also a gymnast turned his daughter's coach, she's been training ever since ever because her parents might have gotten her to do straddle jumps even before she could say 'dada'. My parents, on the other hand, have been giving me doses of everything but never an overdose of Sports. I can say I had extra doses of the arts and bravery enough to make math my life partner haha! Other than that, everything is as average as it could ever be. In sports, I had a fair share of competition when I was in the Swim team, one sore out game on the Basketball team (when being small meant never losing energy haha!) and a whole lot of nasty injuries when I was still training using the Bo (a long staff, Japanese of origin)--- well that's it for me! In the long run, I know how to play other sports just for the fun of it and some of it, good thing, I'm actually capable of playing it as how it should really be played--- others are just really hopeless.. but still fun! Haha! I've always seen sports as a source of survival rather than how Competing athletes would see it (Open views, anyone?). I'm such a huge fan of variety, I sometimes suck in consistency, but don't get me as a disloyal or irresponsible person--- as I've said before I'M MY OWN IRONY.

For a while there I've lost contact with my grade conscious self. Blessed that Dad finally allowed me to sleep (YES! I KNOW!) in Sonja's place for the night, all we did was dance our *sses off, play with my lil' cousin Chelsea and talk about Michael Phelps and John Lloyd!

DANCE.

Sonj and I have a choreo project.. just for fun. Why wouldn't it be for fun when I actually suck gusto out of the people who watch haha! ANYWAY! Since you came across this blog you might actually find a video of our routine if you pass by again sometime. Lets see if my dancing DOES suck the life force out of you. I'll cover my face though so that if we happen to be in the same place at the same time, you won't recognize the girl who danced in the Video and start laughing. HAHA! But hey, they say I'm not that bad. Hows that for a breather? :P I just like to ridicule myself a lot when it comes to that subject haha!

CHELSEA.

We were eating dinner when she started saying, "Ato ato ato Ate Papu, Ato ato ato Ate Soleil, Ato ato ato Tita, Ato ato ato Mama, Ato ato ato Sesy!" Ato means "ako", which is "I" in English. And I have no idea about her grammatical usage of "ato" with what she just said, but then its CUTE! She's already 3 years old and she loves singing, dancing and attention haha! Well we love giving her the third one, so that's not a problem! Haha! Sonj and I slept around 4 am and this morning around 9 am she bursts in to the room, "Morning!" She said with her tiniest voice. Sonj was like "Mor...neng." and I was non-responsive! Haha! Pardon! We were still so game to sleep but the little kid was sooooo adorable saying "Let's eat naaaa." in evolved gugu-gaga words with the 'na' at the end. And she was always like, "Ate Papu mad at Sesy..." and goes down the bed, "..I'm going to tell you to tita!" haha! ADORABLE! :)) And when I had just arrived yesterday evening she pulled me to get a yellow book about the Human skeleton. She told me to tell her a story about the Human Skeleton... like oh my, can I just tell you a story about the Normal Distribution Table and (more gladly) Continuity and Differentiality? But noooo... she was too cute so I told her a story about the human skeleton, Bio style! So I began saying "Do you have bones? Its inside you!!" then she got worried and said softly "Noooo..." And that's when her big sis told me that she was afraid of that, the fact that she came from her mom's inside and the like. The "story" about the Human Skeletal System was cut short with her closing the book and burying her face on the bed being all scared and worried! No blame goes to me, I've only said up to three things to her [1] Bones are inside your skin [2] That is called a bone marrow [3] Your bones look like that. Then before we left, she was locking us in the kitchen since she doesn't want us to leave. HAHA!

MICHEAL PHELPS.

I never knew a fish could take human form, break the 7-medal-record in the Olympics and actually swoon me over. HAR-HAR. Last night, I watched his 200 m butterfly event where he, as defined by people who have no belief on touch pad technology, controversially beat Cavic by .1 seconds. Cavic was really like a foot head of the race but lacked technique or probably forgot that gliding is the least advisable thing to do when you're competing in the Olympics (or in any swimming competition perhaps! Obviously.) What happened was, probably three feet or a meter away from the wall he force-glided, while Phelps did a half stroke which made him touch the wall first. Phelps was even surprised to know he was first. Lady luck must be on his side this year. Well, we know who to watch next Olympics! Cavic can, honestly, actually match up to Phelps. Maybe we'll wait another century till somebody breaks his 8 medal record. With relation to Olympics, Phelps and Swimming; Torres representing US of A showed an admirable spirit of sportsmanship in the 50 m freestyle--Womens (50, am I right?). Before the race, one of her competitors' suit ripped and had change. She walked to one of the pool side judges (is that what we should call them?), an uncanny thing. What happened was, she asked them to wait for her competitor to finish changing. Definitely, the spirit of Olympics. I hope our athletes (Philippines) would also do a similar thing if ever something like that happens. Haha! Let's just say I'm still hoping we'd be taking home some wins? :) Even if we only have 15 representatives (I CAN'T HELP BUT COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^*%@%$(*&!!!). Torres is, by the way, the oldest American Olympian competing (41 years old) and already has 10 gold medals...plus her gold medal from the 50 meter freestyle event this 2008. :)

JOHN LLOYD.

You might be growing tired from reading about my, nonetheless, admiration for this actor.

I can't promote values and the like about all those things right now. I mean sportsmanship, tone, determination, etc are all that encompasses sports, but may be sometime I can dig in to the smores of athleticism because its not really just those things.

FINALLY! Last preliminex tomorrow!

I am not at all pleased with the fact that I feel really relaxed after taking each exam. Not having doubts and fear after taking an exam is not all the best feeling. Everytime I feel composed, I flunk or I get a lower score than expected. Like my preliminex in Linear Algebra (that made history) exam last semester. I was like "Hey I think I'm actually going to get high in this exam". When the results came in, my professor deducted 12 points because of "not following directions". I think I only had five mistakes, but with carelessness I was 17 points far but good thing, I didn't fail. Worse things can happen, but if I can make it NOT happen then great!

So now, pathetic as it may seem, I feel terrified with the unusual reality that I'm not feeling terrified at all. But then again, things change in the course of five minutes before receiving my paper. GAH!!

After all the kadoosha, I would like to acquire as much FUN time and artistic freedom. So finally I'm going to make myself a bag (YAY!) and for sure, I'm going to own it this time. Oh Visit my gallery! I keep the pictures of some of the bags that I made there. I sell them actually. But I only make bags when I feel like making and when I am obliged to. haha!

My lavishly lavish dream of sewing a dress (for the second time around after a LOOOOOONG period of time) is beginning to rot. I placed all my ideas on paper so that it wouldn't doom me in my sleep. I even dreamed of the five ones I designed most recently. It was a "near to reality" kind of dream, if I finally earn enough money to buy me a cloth mannequin and extra materials then my dream would turn solid. My friend, Lexander suggested I should use some of the money I earned last summer. HELL NO. That's for the near 2011 after I graduate and not have enough starting salary to buy my whole family Christmas gifts! So yes, I'm trying to save my allowance for new capital and yet another adventure.

Poldee (another friend who is currently a grade school teacher) asked her students, "If you won 10 MILLION pesos in the lottery and had to spend it in one day, how would you spend it?". Poldee, have they actually held Php 1000 pesos with their tiny hands and actually spent it on one purchase like perhaps a shoe?! Have they even spent on something which is not candy, toy soldiers, Malibu Barbie (hey that's like Php 1000++) or on Quickly?! (Rhetorical Question!!!) Then Poldee asked me that question. Me?! The priciest thing I used my money on was a pair of shoes worth Php 1400. It took me three weeks to decided if it was a good enough purchase! But when she asked me that question I was surprised to have quickly answered it.

[10] Unicef, to feed and provide education for the less fortunate children around the world.

It isn't really a solid plan of spending but spending is spending haha!

Dear reader,
    Please help me do something extra for my cousin's birthday :) Even if you don't know her, please greet her a simple "Happy Birthday" by posting in the shoutbox I prepared above. :) It is the most I can do today and I think she wouldn't expect this. Much appreciated!! -- friendswithstairs ^^

I woke up 10: 30 am.

I was really tired and I intentionally didn't follow my study schedule that should have started around 8 am. I breezed through studying Calculus which is really weird.. but thankfully I learned some new concepts just in case it might come out. It is so far so good in Calculus, not so high test scores but not so bad either. In general, my grades are soaring in a sense that the recent is higher than the previous one. Which is good.. finally! IMPROVEMENTS! Yay!

Oh finally I'm looking at things with a more optimistic point of view!

My brother has Math training in CSA tomorrow and I decided to tag along for 3 reasons. One, to play the big sister role. Two, to get the school vibe and study for preliminexes. Three, to visit my most loved Alma Mater!!! I'm a tad bit excited that I already have my wardrobe planned haha! I am actually hoping I'd be available on Alumni day this August. I am, after all, already an Alumna--- still surreal to have that status in my highschool!

As for preliminexes this coming week, I'm mentally ready but not academically. haha! The summer bug clings on to me like a tick in blood-heaven! Can he not?! I don't expect myself to fail in the preliminexes for one solid reason, I JUST WON'T! I know I'm human, but have you heard of "Think positive and the universe will allow good things to flow to you".. well now you've read it! Think positive earthling!

In the cautionary department where expectations can result to heartbreak, I'm actually not expecting anything. Chaos if it is, Silence if it is. Though last night I was thinking of moving and going--- you know what I mean! But I thought, it doesn't make any difference if I do. Silence is golden in my side of pride. Pride-schmide, why are my cautionary-department-tanks full of it? ^^

**sadly, vox doesn't have smilies! I was so game to put one after that rhetorical question! Yes, it was rhetorical so don't give me an answer haha! ..keep the answer to yourself ok? :)**

It's the third-party's birthday today! (She's Sarah **She looks like Sarah!**, I'm Bea **I just like to be Bea Alonzo haha**. And whoever is John Lloyd. GET IT?!) YAY! Happy Birthday Dear-S!!

That photo was taken during the summer when we were ice-splurging in my---our heaven. We really need some updating, I still do have those eye bags but I wasn't annoyed by the bangs then! And she visited the Derma, which meant flawless skin! Argh! Green Goblin jealousy! T_T I do wish her wish of me sleeping in their place for the night would come true. AND AND AND I hope she really DOES have a TRUE CLOSE encounter with her M, which meant planting words and actually speaking--- atleast a "Hi!". It IS your birthday! The act of getting too much attention is pardoned!! C'mon! haha!

OH LOOK WHO'S TALKING ABOUT SPEAKING TO A M?!!!!

I SUPER MISS HER! I LOVE YOU S!! And I hope I could teach you the "Bleeding Love" dance routine CHYEAH!

OH LOOK WHO'S DANCING NOW?! HAHA!

Anyway, Anticipation kills the beauty of the moment haha!
So the things that I wrote here, I didn't see it coming, but I knew it was just not NOW :)
My ultimate advice for S now that she's a year older, learn not to expect and realize that you already possess what you want you just have to need it. :)